We had to attend attend a funeral recently. Funerals are sad, but they are also a celebration of life. Funeral etiquette is something that no one talks about and you don’t really learn about it until someone close to you dies. This past week got me thinking about how no one really talks about funeral etiquette and in particular how to teach funeral etiquette to kids. Kids need to be taught funeral etiquette so that they know what to do or say to a friend whose parent has passed away, how to show respect to a family member, relative or neighbor.

People often say they don’t know what to say or do when they hear someone has died, so they do nothing.  Don’t let that happen. It’s not always going to be easy, but contacting the family is the first thing to do. Keep in mind it’s what you would want them to do for you.

Here is what our family did this week and you can easily follow these funeral etiquette steps.

Call the family immediately:

1. Tell them how sorry you are to hear about their news.
2. Tell them you will keep their family in your thoughts and prayers (if you’re so inclined).
3. Send them a card, in the mail, and let them know #1 and #2 again.  Have your kids sign the card, also.

Go to the funeral.  This is the ultimate way to show your support.

Funerals aren’t invitation events and you don’t get invited to attend one. To find out the particulars, check your local newspaper and/or the internet under the obituary section.  Look for funeral notices or the actual obituary. All of the details about time and place will be listed here.

Bring your kids with you to the funeral, when appropriate. If the person who passed away is someone your kids know and they’re familiar with, they should attend the services with you.

Dress up and wear dark clothing. Kids should be taught to dress for a funeral. At the funeral we attended, our son wore grey dress pants over his athletic shorts and our daughter wore a long, black skirt over her black jeans.

If the funeral services are not at a church or place of worship you usually attend, don’t worry about not knowing what to do. The priest or preacher will give direction and you can follow the lead of those around you.

Bring a meal to the family (don’t bring it to the funeral, but contact the surviving family and arrange for a future time). When someone dies in your family, no one feels like cooking or grocery shopping but meals need to be eaten. This is a wonderful gift and is much better than a floral arrangement.

People genuinely appreciate these things. Because deaths happen infrequently (fortunately), children (and a lot of adults) don’t have much experience with them and what should be done. Having good funeral etiquette is nothing different than good manners.

Be thankful for today and that you’re alive. Hug your spouse. Hug your kids.

Go Gingham related links:

Social Networking and Parents Behaving Badly
Piano Lessons – they’re an indulgence at our house – time and money
Homemade cards – simple and not very elaborate – great for kids!
Time tested family rules - who knew these would work?
Our weekly ritual - Technology Free Sundays
A beach weekend away – beautiful weather – in November?!

Sara Tetreault

Sara Tetreault writes and speaks about living well on less with thoughtful spending, smart use of resources, and efficient use of time. Sara loves good food, travel, and cashmere. With home swapping, cooking at home, and buying items second-hand, she hopes to inspire you with her stylishly frugal ways. Sara keeps a home, one husband, two children, and three chickens in her backyard.

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